Life with Twins
Twins..... as I write this I am laying in my bed thinking/praying that they will both sleep completely through the night, but let's be honest we know that is not going to happen. I have said from the beginning of this journey that I never in a million years thought this would be my life... TWINS that is, but it is, with that said that does not mean we just ADJUST over night. There is no other word to describe it but HARD. It's quite possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to do thus far. I got home from work the other night as every muscle in my body yearned for bed, sleep, and a whole lot of food. Funny how when you want all these things, so do your TWINS. So of course I started my routine which is on repeat all day long, the check list I call it. Fill the bottles, put the right nipple on each twins bottle, get two burp rags, get two bibs, set up the boppy, get two diapers, get wipes, and then begin feeding. Then it is two ounces for each, and then a burp for each which usually consist of a projectile vomit all over me and them too. I then finish the rest of the bottle for each, and then burp them one last time. I then change their diapers, and by this time it is usually time to put them back to bed. So I take one, swaddle her, and take her up to her crib, then I go back downstairs get the next one, swaddle her and put her in her crib. I tell them I love them, and close the door. This, like I said is on repeat all day long.
The twins are eating 7 times a day right now, Kenzi actually did the math, and she said we have made 1,400 bottles since they were born.... with that said, yes we are solely keeping SIMILAC in business! That is a glimpse of a day In the life of twins. I have kinda figured out, I have a little mental break down about every three weeks. Usually consisting of tears, a text to my mom that says "I NEED YOU NOW!", and saying how I feel like my life will never be normal again! I want to reiterate that I do not do every feeding by myself, nor do I do every feeding! I have more help than I could ever dream of! I am the most blessed mom of twins I think there ever could be, but with that said, at the end of the day these TWINNERS are mine. If I had a dime for every time I was told, "Well you are so lucky, because you have so much help." Or "You will be just fine, because you have so much help" it is true, I am LUCKY & FINE, but don't think for two seconds this hasn't completely turned my world upside down, because it has. There are days where I am hanging on by a thread, and so is my sweet hubby! We feel overwhelmingly blessed and crazy all at the same!
The other day, I finally opened up about something I had been feeling so worried about to my mom. I said mom I want to tell you something, but I don't want you to think I'm crazy. I told her, "I love these babies, but I am having a hard time connecting. I feel as though my life is just one big check list, and I'm not going to remember any of this." I told her "it's different then it was with Jonesy..... " I feel like my mom said it best, "Jace you are in survival mode, and you are doing the best you can." These babies are fed, changed and loved and that Is all you can do." I'm not going to say it made all my worries go away, but it did make me feel a little more normal, when my mom said my aunt with twins, said it took her about 6 months to really bond with her twins too. I love those babes so much, and I know as time goes on our relationship will expand and grow, I see improvements everyday. I am getting little smiles, and moments where I truly feel like they are looking into my eyes. We are standing, but I wouldn't say standing tall. I know we will continue to grow together as this new family every day. I love being a mom, and I am learning to love being a mom to twins more everyday. It is new and definitely a change, but my life is GOOD I would even go as far to say GREAT, but it is hard and I don't want anyone to think I am just waltzing through this, because I am definitely not. This is real twin life, and like I said before I am learning how to LOVE IT!