Learning to Love YOU!
Our bodies, probably the greatest miracle we have all been shown, and for sure have taken the most for granted. At least I know I have through out the years. We all have been blessed with these amazing bodies in different shapes, sizes, and colors. I don't know about you guys but more often then not I catch myself hating my body, disgusted with it, and the list could go on and on. My insecurities about my body started long ago as I'm sure most girls do.
In high school I cheered at the football games, we stood in two lines on the side of the field. More often then not I would catch myself looking down the line at whose legs were skinnier than mine, whose arms were more toned, and for sure whose bum was smaller than mine. I made myself physically sick thinking constantly about how everyone else's body was so much more perfect than mine! One day me and my mom were shopping at the gap, I grabbed the size pants that I thought were my size. When I went to try them on in the dressing room I found out all to quickly I was no longer that size. I literally fell to the ground in the fetal position, once again catching myself hating and disgusted with my body. I would say that 90% of this was my own doing, my own insecurities, but I will say I felt it coming from others too. One day a boy at school told me I had the most least proportionate body he had ever seen, straight to my face...RUDE! I of course laughed it off like it didn't hurt, and I wasn't phased, but once again the hate and disgust crept right back in.
Through out the next few years I struggled hard with body image, I dodged mirrors and wore baggy clothes to cover the body that I was so ashamed to have. I did crazy fad diets, crash diets, and anything else I thought would help to get the weight off. Nothing ever really worked. Just like it always doesn't. Until I got sick, and I mean really sick. I finally, in my mind was truly, "skinny" I thought I had made it. I was finally one of the girls in that football line that I wanted to be. I had a gap between my legs, fitting into the size pants I wanted to, and finally my bum didn't look like it belonged in the Kardashian family! I got a taste of what skinny was, and I became obsessed. It became the thing in my life I could completely control, when so many other things seemed like they were so out of control. All I had to do was not eat, and I would stay "skinny"... Well I did that, for a while. It wasn't till one day my mom made me get on the scale in front of her and when she saw the number she said "you have to stop!" As the tears rolled down my face, "I said to her I don't know how!" My fear was going back to laying on the dressing room floor in Gap and once again hating and being disgusted with my body.
I am not going to say that it happened over night that I changed my ways, because that would be a lie, or tell you that I still don't feel like that 16 year old girl who wants to lay on the floor and cry sometimes. I'm just saying I'm trying every day to love me a little more. Treat this miracle of a body with just a little bit more respect, and in return it will do amazing things for you. Weight is going to be with us for the rest of our life's and I can guarantee I will hate it till the day I die, but we have to learn to deal with it in a better matter. Be an example to our daughters and sons. Let them know that we love our selfs and our bodies, so that they may learn to love their bodies in return. We have been blessed with these miracles of bodies let's not waste them by hating on them! Xoxo JayCee